Worst Trailers:" Just Wright"

This is the first original Worst Trailer's post on this blog which is ironic because it was the Worst Trailers facebook notes and people's positive reactions to them that inspired the blog in the first place. So this is a little like returning home for me. And what better to return home to than a Queen Latifa rom com. Before we even get into this, I'm going to guess the moral of the story; Girls! It's OK if you're plus sized! The super hot, super rich, man of your dreams will still choose you over that prissy hot chick. Now I'm not saying all of this is a bad message. I'm just saying we already learned it. In Shrek. Four times. Because those Dreamworks geniuses really know how to hammer home a point. Or maybe they just have no idea how to evolve a storyline. Yeah, that's it. Ten bucks says Kung Fu Panda 2 will still be about how Panda is fat and sloppy and hungry but because he's the chosen one he's the best. "Hey kids! Don't exercise! Just be the chosen one of something and your crusty old master will teach you the five point palm exploding heart technique!" It's just like Penelope, which was supposed to be a film about inner beauty and loving you for who you are and not what you look like. But notice James McAvoy couldn't kiss her without throwing up until after she got her pig nose removed or magicked off or whatever. Now I'm a firm believer in inner beauty. I think who you are is far more important than looks. I just hate the hypocrisy of Hollywood's view of inner beauty. Because you know that once someone finally finds their inner beauty and is okay with themselves, they immediately turn into a beauty (Beauty and the Beast, Beastly, The Princess and the Frog, Shrek 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, & 8, Penelope and every other freaking movie ever with an 'ugly' protagonist.) But  I'm a little off base here. As far as I know Queen Latifa unfortunately doesn't turn into Zoe Saldana at the end of this movie. Anyway, here's the trailer:



Starting out, Ms. Latifa goes on a date that didn't end so well. He just wanted to be friends. We are told that this is because she acted like herself around him. "You are not supposed to show him your regular self until you've been married for five years," says the only hot girl in the entire cast of Precious: Based on the Novel Push By Sapphire (worst ever title for any movie of all time ever by the way. And yes, I'm including Bangkok Dangerous in that.) I hate this idea of relationship by the way. This is why there are so many divorces because people are too scared and stupid to be themselves around their significant other. They lie for years and then when all the passion and sex fizzles out and they're left with this other person who they don't even know and realize they don't love anymore. You never loved them to begin with genius. You can't love someone you don't even know.  People are so stupid.

Next the Queen gets scolded for not dressing up like an expensive whore to go to a basketball game (she wears trendy jeans and a jersey.) It's a mark of how bad these film makers are that they have to make people act like absolute senseless caricatures just so they have a moral to drive home at the end of the movie. Also they don't think Queen has anything to offer anyone since the first encounter with hot, famous basketball player she has to help him open up the gas tank. Really? Because a grown man can't figure that out.

After that we get super movie plot download. Because apparently we need to know the entire movie by the end of the preview. The 'important' part is that super hot basketball player gets hurt (oooh! conflict) and Queen Latifa is the only physical therapist his expensive prostitute wife will trust with him (set up for possible romance!).  "You really think you can get me back [playin']?" he asks. "Yeah, but chu gonna hate me by the time I tru wit chu," she responds (future referencing irony!). *Cue inspirational black person music as the training montage begins.* Meanwhile, expensive whore wife leaves because he's not no playa' no mo' (setting the stage for the coup de Queen L!)

Inspirational montage continues as we see him worked back into shape and finally back into the game where he scores a super sweet shot. Cut to him and QL reliving the victory and fighting over cookies while seated at a piano (a piano?! wtf?! were they jammin' to some show tunes?) *Cue the wildly over dramatic romantic-look-into-my-eyes scene where we know somethin' hot is aboutst to go down. Then whore wife comes back (dun dun DUN!) She wants him back because she made a mistake (which is girl for 'you're famous again!') You know he'll go back to her just until right before the chick music starts playing and QL is about to board an airplane or something. Then they'll live happily ever after. (Sigh) Which of course you know they will. This is, after all, Queen Latifa's Kate Hudson movie.

Other small annoyances:

When the hot basketball player asks QL out for dinner, she tells the muli-million dollar basketball super star that his wallet better be full because she "... ain't one of those salad eatin' chicks." I GET IT! QUEEN LATIFA IS NOT A SIZE 0! But is that any reason to make her say things like she's the cookie monster or Jenna Maroney when she was fat?! "Me want food!" This movie is pure BS. It tries to say that just because she's not a anorexic beauty, she can still get the man, but it makes her say ridiculous crap like this all the time. Queen Latifa is a beautiful woman. Why do we constantly have to draw attention to the fact that she weighs more than 90 lbs? There's more to her than her weight. That's all I'm trying to say. I guess this was a big annoyance.

The hot basketball player is played by rapper Common. Appropriate names since common also describes his acting ability.

Last but not least, the title; Just Wright. I had a hunch about this, so I looked it up and I was right; QL's name in the movie is Leslie Wright. This means that the title of this film is a self referential pun. They must think they're so clever.