Intense amounts of electro magnetism...

Crap guys. So I had a pretty normal day. Went to work, rocked it, got off, and the went to the grocery store. But that's when ALL HELL POSSIBLY BROKE LOOSE. I walk in the sliding door when I realized I almost forgot to grab a shopping kart. I do a quick U-turn (easier in shoes than in a car) and randomly selected a kart to assist me in my shopping. Normal day. Nothing out of the ordinary. But that's when tradgedy may have struck. Instead of a normal kart- you know the kind, they pull slightly to the right and you walk out of the store with one side of your body slightly buffer than the rest from keeping the kart from running into racks, employees and small children (they do this on purpose to help cure American obeseity)- I grabbed the shock kart! These are rare and scary and elusive (like Chupacabra the), but they do exist (also like the Chupacabra). If you haven't encountered these, good! I will just tell you about them. It's just safer that way. Something went wrong with this particular kart and now every several second it sent a huge jolt of what I can only describe, based on my nerd-verse knowledge, as electro magnetism into my body. This never turns out well. I'm just counting the seconds before I turn into Dr. Manhattan...



Or perhaps even worse... Desmond Hume!!!



I don't know what I'm going to do! I don't have a bloody constant brotha! I can feel it. The end is nigh. I just ask one thing by those who survive me- find that british/australian girl i was going to meet and marry in the future and tell her she really missed out. Show her my picture. One where I don't look fat. Maybe with my Survivor buff on.

I need you all to promise me one more thing. Please don't try to avenge my death/transformation-into-a-superior-being-who-experiences-all-time-at-once-and-is-therefore-better-than-all-you-measly-petty-humans. Vengance never goes too well in the real world. Just accept my fate and try to move on with your lives.

Thanks blog followers. Or perhaps, for now on i'll just call you Blollowers. (No, definitely blog followers. Blollowers sounds like a crude sex act.) You will be rewarded in Heaven.